Of Supernovas and Stars (Peter x Reader)
by oblivion-is-grace
Summary: Imagine making snow angels with Peter Parker (post-Infinity War, pre-Endgame).


Your father wouldn't have fully appreciated you spending time with his protege, Peter-he never had been-but that wasn't for him to decide in the first place. Peter had been a close friend of yours ever since he came into the fold, as he was the same age as you. Shortly after, you began to feel the conflict between yourself and your father for him allowing Peter to take part in dangerous or life-threatening activities. You were also upset with Peter for agreeing to partake in them. Peter was the son your father never had, the one he always wanted. While he loved you with his whole heart and promised to make the world a safer, kinder, and gentler place for you to live and to raise his future grandbabies, you hated how quick he was to throw his life on the line for the ones he loved. He would have done the same for Peter if he had the chance.

The thought made your skin crawl.

You walked outside, pulling your mittens over your fingers that were already beginning to hurt thanks to the frigid cold. It was the first real snowfall of the year. Any amount greater than 6 inches of snow was considered to be the first "real" snowfall. Winter was Peter's favorite season. He always explained that it was because of the joy, the lights, the decorations, the holidays, and because it was the one time of the year he didn't see the sorrow in your eyes. Winter had always been your mother's favorite time of the year, so you celebrated it for her, as if it could somehow bring her closer to you, even in death. Peter knew how much you missed her; he could understand you better than almost anyone else.

As the chill bit at the patches of uncovered skin, you recalled the previous Christmas. Peter's aunt, May, cooked a modest meal and invited you over. You wondered if it was simply because she was excited that Peter was making more friends, but you soon discovered that it was because Peter had talked about you...a lot. When she brought up the subject at the dinner table, explaining that Peter could barely stop talking about you every day after school, you blushed as your spider-boy denied it over and over again, pleading with his aunt to stop. She was the mother you missed out on, and the more time you spent with Peter, the closer you became to May. She became one of the biggest female role models in your life, but you hadn't spoken to her since…

You gazed up into the sky, watching as the soft snowflakes fell to the snow-covered Earth below. Closing your eyes, you felt the chill as the flakes settled against your cheeks and melted, the wetness making you feel even colder. However, you hadn't felt particularly warm since your world had been torn to pieces. In a way, you wished you had been there, to hold him in his last moments, to push his hair back as he faded away, to kiss him one last time, to tell him that of all the mistakes you had ever made, loving him wasn't one of them. There was no doubt in your mind that your father did all he could to save him, that he held him the way you would have, that he comforted Peter the way you wished you could have.

When you finally opened your eyes, a few stray tears fell as you thought of the first moment you realized you loved him, not like you loved Christmas or that pair of shoes your dad bought you for your birthday after noticing your interest in them. No, you loved Peter like you had never loved anyone or anything before. No other past romance mattered once you realized what he did to you. You had confessed to him that you had never been ice-skating, and it was something you always wanted to do at least once. He always teased you for being clumsy, and you always teased him for being a big dork. Still, your clumsiness was what he loved the most about you because when you fell, it meant he got to catch you, and if he couldn't catch you, he would pick you back up.

Shortly after confiding him about your hidden dream of wanting to go ice-skating, he showed up at your house with a daisy-your favorite flower-and a pair of ice skates. He took you to an ice rink and taught you how to skate. You did better than you had anticipated, and it wasn't long before you felt comfortable on the skates. He held your hand and skated with you, laughing with you whenever you wobbled. He teased you about how easy it was, especially when a small group of children entered the rink and began skating around. His subtle remarks never hurt your feelings, as you knew Peter from two different angles. He was your best friend in the whole world, and you could joke with him, tease him, and laugh with him all day. Then, there was the Peter who was sweeter than sugar, the one who said those three little words before you had the guts to do so. The day he took you to the rink was the first time you said them.

You had fallen onto the ice, trying to avoid another teenager who was weaving in and out of the other skaters. As the wind was knocked out of you, you felt the embarrassment set in as the teenager laughed and continued skating. Noticing the blush on your cheeks, Peter pushed himself back and fell onto the ice right next to you. Glancing over at him, you asked him what happened to make him fall, and his response made you realize that this was the only love that mattered. He looked into your eyes, his innocent and beautiful brown ones meeting yours, and he said, "you fell, and I wasn't about to let you fall alone." Almost immediately after he said those words, you told him the three you had been saving for the right person. You had never spoken them to anyone other than close friends and family. Peter was the first person to ever hear them in a romantic way. There was no one else before him, and there would be no one after him. You never even imagined a time after him.

How foolish of you.

You opened your arms and fell back into the snow, the foot of white fluff breaking your fall. You continued to stare up into the sky, wanting to will yourself away just to be with him. You couldn't bring yourself to leave your father, though, not with the loss he experienced, too. He lost friends, but what hurt him the most...was losing Peter. You listened to him cry at night, not knowing what you could possibly do to ease his pain, not knowing if there was any way to help him in the first place. You mourned, but you did your best to ignore your feelings when your father was around, not wanting to burden him. Just as you were beginning to lose yourself in thought, a light thud sounded from the ground next to you. When your eyes found the source of the noise, it felt as if someone kicked you in the chest, almost like when your father returned home without Peter. But there he was, lying in the snow right next to you.

His brown eyes sparkled like they always had, and you could usually come up with a witty comment about how much of a dork he was, but you had no words in that moment. Every ounce of knowledge you had slipped away, just as the air in your lungs did. You couldn't breathe, much like when you fell on the ice at the rink that one day. He chuckled, and that sound couldn't have been all in your mind. Had you died? Were you dreaming? Was this just a sick joke your mind was playing on you? Noticing you fish for words, Peter spoke, "I told you that I wouldn't let you fall alone," he reminded you, a grin forming on his lips as his eyes danced along every feature on your face. It was as if everything was back to how it was before he…

You couldn't bring yourself to speak. The shock of seeing him felt like someone dumped a bucket of ice cold water all over you. Your entire body trembled, and it felt like every organ was doing the same. For a moment, you contemplated looking away to see if he was just a hallucination, but you realized that it could mean he would disappear. Planning to do whatever possible to keep any version of him alive, you continued to gaze into the eyes that you fell in love with. With a chuckle, he began to move his arms and legs to form a snow angel, which was something you had done your first Christmas together. The smile crept onto your face as you wondered if you were finally waking up from the nightmare, if what happened with Thanos was just a terrible dream, "do you think I'm pretty?" he asked, that soft voice like music to your ears.

You knew that the question was his way of lightening the mood, especially because of your continued and unwavering stare. However, all the words you wished you had the chance to tell him came flooding back into your heart, "the most beautiful and incredible sight I've ever seen in my life," you replied, repeating the same words he had on your first _real_ date. After your father had the "dad talk" with him, you called him up to the room and asked him to tell Peter that you weren't going on the date. Tony tried to comfort you, but it was as if everything was working against you. Instead of sending Peter home, Tony sent him up to your room to see you, knowing that Peter's presence always brightened your day.

You could still remember Peter lowering himself onto your bed next to you as you wrung your hands and blinked away the tears in your eyes. You told him that you weren't going out on a date with him because you felt disgusting. You had a newly formed pimple on your forehead, you had a terrible night's sleep that resulted in dark circles that not even makeup could hide, and you felt bloated because of good old Mother Nature. You told him you felt ugly, that you didn't feel worthy of being taken out for a date, especially not with someone as perfect as him. That was when he tilted your head up and uttered those same words to you, that he saw you as the most beautiful and incredible sight he had ever seen in his life.

You were pulled from the memory when he grasped your hand, intertwining your fingers with his, and you finally felt warm for the first time in such a long time. The warmth started in your chest and spread through your entire body. It was like the first warm day after a long, harsh winter. Your eyes searched his for the answers to questions you didn't want to ask, but you knew you'd have to, "what happened? Where did you go?" you murmured, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill over at the thought of his death, of the topic your father refused to speak a single word of. You wanted to know what happened to the man who held your heart in his gentle hands before he was ripped away from you. You wanted to know what happened the day your whole world imploded in on itself like a supernova.

"I went where the rest of them went," he answered as vaguely as possible, which was something he only did when he knew you would be hurt by the real answer. A part of you always hated that because you were strong enough to handle the truth, but a part of you loved him all the more for it because it was his way of protecting you, of shielding you from the harshness. It was like when he wrapped his winter coat around your shoulders; he shielded you from the cold, but he bore the brunt of it all for you. In the silence, the two of you just gazed at each other, a frown finding its way onto his lips, "it's where I'll have to go back to once I'm done here," he added in a soft voice in an attempt to lessen the blow.

It suddenly felt like the wind was knocked out of you again, almost like the moment Steve brought your dad home. It wasn't the fact that he brought your dad back home to you, it was the fact that he was the _only_ one who was brought home. Steve broke the news to you as gently as possible, but it never could have been gentle enough. Even after all they had gone through after the Sokovia Accords, Steve stayed at the house for a full week. You weren't entirely sure if it was for your sake or for your father, but none of that mattered. He cooked, he cleaned, he held you as you cried, and he spent every night in your room, sleeping on the floor at the foot of your bed. You would often find yourself on the floor with him after an hour or two of restlessness. That entire first week, you didn't see your father much at all, but once you convinced a reluctant Steve to go back home, you saw how heartbroken and powerful he could be. He mourned Peter as if he lost a son, but he also pushed all of his guilt and sorrow aside for you, his princess.

You shook your head as you finally managed to breathe again. Your heart had shattered more than once before, but this was cruel. This was some sick joke that the universe was playing on you. It was showing you the one thing you wanted more than anything else, but then it was going to rip it away from you again just to see if you would fall just as hard as last time, "you can't stay?" you asked, your bottom lip quivering as you tried to hold back the tears that stung your eyes. The world was crashing down around you again, and you wished that it had been you instead, that you had been taken with the snap because then, you wouldn't feel this pain, this...anguish, this all-encompassing hatred and anger for the man who took your future away from you. You would kill Thanos someday, but it wouldn't bring Peter back, and it wouldn't be enough to fill the void that his absence left in your heart. You ripped your hand away from his and shot up from the ground and onto your feet, "you-you _left _me!" you yelled, causing him to wince before he stood up from his snow angel to stand in front of you. As he attempted to close the space between you, you found yourself overcome with emotion. You shoved him away before continuing to back away from him, "no! No! NO!" you yelled, pushing him away from you, unable to hold in the tears, "you left me!" you sobbed, your body shaking with the sadness and loss you hadn't fully allowed yourself to feel until that very moment, "now, you're leaving me again! What about me, Peter? What about _us_? You promised-"

He cut you off, "to protect you, and I did my best," he stated.

You shook your head, frantically wiping away your tears while keeping the distance from him. If he held you like he wanted to, you wouldn't be able to handle losing him again. You didn't want to remember that all-encompassing warmth and safety you felt because it would make it that much harder when he was ripped away from you again, "you promised that we'd be together forever," you whimpered, your voice soft and full of lost hope.

"I couldn't keep that one. I'm sorry, (Y/N)," he apologized, tears filling his eyes the way they had only a handful of times throughout your relationship. He searched for the right words, and continued, "I-I just wanted to do everything I could to protect the people I love most, and that includes you...it's _especially_ you. Besides, we both know that if I didn't recklessly sacrifice my life, you would've been the one to do it" he reminded you, calling upon the dozens of times you risked it all to keep the ones you cared about safe.

No one would've expected it from you-the reckless will to lay your own life on the line-but you were confident when going up against some powerful foes. It wouldn't have been expected from you since your father was deemed a manmade hero. Many people believed that what made him a superhero was the suit, but you knew otherwise. Still, no one thought of your late mother. You got her eyes, her bone structure, and some of her "natural abilities" as well as a few of your own. The more the public saw you as ordinary, though, the better. You huffed, "if I wanted to sacrifice my life for you, it would've been my choice!" you hollered.

"And this was mine!" he finally snapped, raising his voice at you for the first time since that first real fight you had with him. Just as you had that night, you jumped, stunned at the power in the voice you fell asleep to most nights. The volume shocked you, but more shocking than that was the tear that streamed down his cheek. You wanted to reach out and wipe it away, but you were frozen in shock at his outburst. He began trembling as the tears flowed freely down his cheeks, "I _knew _that leaving with Mr. Stark that day could mean I didn't make it back. I'm glad I went, too...because what if it was you? What if Mr. Stark was forced to lose his princess? His little girl?" he asked, wiping the tears from his cheeks as he gazed into your eyes, "I took away your choice because I couldn't bear the burden of a life without you. Losing you...it-it would've torn me to pieces, (Y/N)," he whimpered, his voice breaking as he tried to control his emotions.

"You don't think losing you tore _me _apart?" you asked, closing the space between the two of you. As soon as you were close enough, he threw his arms around you and held you close to him. In that moment, you felt like you were finally home. The warmth of his body, the smell of the cologne you bought him for his birthday, the feeling of his breath in your hair. It was all...home. You shook your head, realizing that this wouldn't stay, that the feeling of home would be gone again when he left. You nestled your face into his neck, throwing your arms around him, and began wishing that your broken heart could somehow bring him back. Your chest began caving in again, and the world around you became like a dream. Nothing seemed real as the reality of the situation settled in, "Peter, I feel like-I feel like I can't breathe anymore...because you were the one who-who saved me from drowning when all I did was sink," you cried, allowing your tears to soak into his shirt.

He pulled away from the embrace just enough to hold your face in his hands, and he forced you to look into his eyes, "and I showed you how to swim. Now, you need to do that on your own," he murmured, pressing a firm kiss to your forehead, lingering there for a moment before pulling away and wiping your tears away with his thumbs, "I'm sorry, (Y/N). I'm sorry that I can't be here to hold you and wipe away your tears. I miss you as much as you miss me, but I haven't been anywhere but by your side this entire time. Believe me. I've laid by your side every night just to tell you how beautiful you are first thing in the morning. I've been here. Just promise me one thing," he insisted, his voice suddenly becoming solemn.

"What?" you asked, furrowing your eyebrows in confusion as to what he could possibly as you to do.

He swallowed hard and took a deep breath, somehow preparing himself for what he was about to say. Even before he spoke, his bottom lip began quivering as he tried to hold back the tears, "promise me that you'll take your time, that you'll _live_ and not just _exist_" he insisted, and you reached up to wipe his tears. He leaned into your soft touch, a warmth he missed just as much as you did, "I want you to be _so _happy. I want you to be even happier than you were when we were together. Find someone else when you're ready, fall in love, get married, have babies, do all the things we always talked about doing together. I don't want my death to derail your life, (Y/N). I don't want you to stop living because of me," he said

"I don't want to do this without you...that's not how we planned it," you cried, shaking your head, knowing that you'd be unable to live up to his request.

He chuckled, "it's not the way I planned it either. Believe it or not, but I had plans to marry you as soon as we graduated. I didn't care about anything as much as starting my life with you because you were the dream I never thought would come true, especially not for a nobody like me. I was going to bring you to the ice rink where you told me you loved me for the first time, and I was going to ask you to be my wife. I was going to ask Ned to be my best man, and he would've argued that I was getting married too young. Your dad probably would've threatened me even more than he did before our first date, and my aunt May would've cried because I know you would've let her do your hair. I began planning our lives since the day you said "hi" to me," he smiled, thinking about the fond memories as you cried even harder.

"Nothing ever works out quite the way we plan it, though. I know I never planned on loving anyone aside from my aunt, but then you came along, and I could barely breathe when I looked at you. I thought you were the most beautiful girl I'd ever seen in all my life. The moment you looked at me, no other girl even mattered because it felt like whatever higher power there is...built the whole universe for me. You were all I ever needed, all I ever wanted, and more. You became my best friend in the whole world, and Ned loved you because he knew how happy you made me," he laughed, thinking back to when he told Ned about you. It was probably similar to the discussion you had with Natasha when you met Peter.

He sighed, "then, I waited for a moment that I was sure wouldn't come. Even if you never felt the love for me that I felt for you, I would've been okay with it because I got to have someone like you in my life in some way. I was able to witness your gentleness, your fiery attitude, your quick wit, your laugh, and the sparkle in your eyes. I still waited for you, though, and I became the luckiest man in the world with time. I was so lucky because I loved you, and you loved me. The universe faded away, and nothing else mattered but the way your eyes lit up when I told you I loved you. I waited for the next moment I got to see you, for the next smile, the next laugh. I waited for the next kiss, the next time I got to hold your hand. I waited every day for every night to come so that I could wrap you in my arms and fall asleep with the whole universe within my grasp. I waited all night for the morning so that I could tell you that you were more beautiful than the morning sun itself" he laughed through the tears as the memories of your time together played in his eyes like a movie.

"I _loved_ waiting for you, (Y/N). I loved waiting at the door for you to open it so I could see you. I loved waiting for you when you made us late because you wanted to redo your eye makeup when it didn't perfectly match your outfit. I loved waiting for you to finish laughing before you could finish a joke you were halfway through when you burst into a fit of giggles. I loved waiting for our goodnight kiss when you would rest your forehead against mine and linger there for not a second too long. I loved waiting for you to figure out your order at a restaurant we'd been to a dozen times, even when I was starving and knew exactly what I wanted. I loved waiting for you when you stopped to listen to horrible street performers for as long as you waited to listen to the phenomenal ones because you said that everyone deserves to be validated. I loved waiting because I was waiting for the love of my life. So, I'll wait for you again, however long it takes, and I'll be missing you every moment. I'm gonna love it, though, because I'll be waiting for _you_."

He nestled his forehead against yours, and through the waterfall of tears and soft, involuntary whimpers, you closed your eyes and found peace in your closeness. His breath cascaded across your lips, and it smelled like him, like a spring morning when the dew is still fresh on the Earth. He pressed his lips against yours, cradling your face in his hands just as gently as he held your heart all that time. The kiss was nothing heated or passionate. Instead, it was sweet and loving, and he lingered there for not a second too long. He breathed in the smell of you before pulling away, and just as you always had, your eyes remained closed as you savored in that beautiful moment, "I love you, (Y/N)...always and forever" he whispered.

Then, you felt it. His absence. You knew before you even opened your eyes that he was gone. The warmth always left with him. In a way, you didn't want to open your eyes to see that you were once again alone. The world would look different again. The colors would be diluted, the everyday noises wouldn't sound like a song, and the warmth of the sun would feel cold again. You knew this, but you opened your eyes anyway because you needed to do what Peter taught you; you needed to swim. When your eyelids finally fluttered open, you wiped your tears, "I love _you_, Peter," you murmured, glancing down at the snow where he had made his snow angel. It would be the last thing left of him. However, it was gone, almost as if you had been alone all along. However, you finally realized that you didn't need a snow angel because you already had a real one.

You took a deep breath, gazing up at the sky, finally seeing the colors brighten. Even if you had no one, you had Peter. You would _always_ have Peter. He would find a way to lessen the pain of losing him. He would wait for you, and you would do enough good in the life you were given to find him at the end of it all. Closing your eyes, you felt the sun cascading across your face, and you finally felt warm. You smiled, "always and forever."


End file.
